


and maybe I don't see myself upon that list

by orphan_account



Category: Formula E RPF
Genre: M/M, Mild Kink, and also being an asshole, anyway I wrote this on my phone in Alexanderplatz station, o this was obvs inspired by piquet calling sam sexy, shortly before the police asked me if I was a sex worker because I'd been stood there that long, so that's a bit of cultural something for you, the story of my life tbh, the thing where jerome kicked him also really happened in morocco, this was a joke and it got out of hand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 03:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11349183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “You're sure he said that?” Jean-Eric looks deeply concerned, which is a bit rich when this is hardly his problem.“Yeah he walked up to me and shouts ‘sexy’ like that's banter we do.” Sam feels very put upon by this situation.





	and maybe I don't see myself upon that list

“You're sure he said that?” Jean-Eric looks deeply concerned, which is a bit rich when this is hardly his problem. 

“Yeah he walked up to me and shouts ‘sexy’ like that's banter we do.” Sam feels very put upon by this situation, on camera no less. 

“And it was Nelson?” Chrissake, Jev isn't this thick how many times does he have to go through it? 

“Yes.”

Jean-Eric looks thoughtful for a moment before rolling over to collect the sheet from where it had fallen to the floor during some - admittedly, effective - comfort frottage. “Maybe he has become a human being?”

Sam grumps his reply into Jev’s chest because it's not his fault Jean-Eric sounds sexy when he's slurring his way through a load of dropped ‘h’s “Don't be ridiculous, there'd’ve been other signs of the apocalypse.”

\------

“So Jerome just leans over - I swear, I swear he does this - Jerome D’Ambrosio, our sweet, sweet friend - he fucking,” Ant has started laughing, which is not helping his delivery, “He fucking kicks him - I thought he was going for his  _ face  _ and it's right there on TV for some fucking Brazilian channel, Nelson’s trying to be chill and holy  _ shit.” _

Antonio has entirely descended into giggling and even Nico looks mildly amused, which should be anyone else’s hysterics. Mitch, however, has a totally blank look - staring at Robin like he’s having a minor social panic.

“He’s a fucking arsehole.” Robin clarifies, which Antonio seems to find even funnier, “Like, an absolute fucking arsehole.”

Mitch looks slightly cynical, as though he might not be entirely sure kicking people live on TV is quite as funny as the rest of them - “What did he do, fuck his sister?”

Robin looks at Ant, trying to catch his eye - what’s he supposed to say? “He just… he’s… he’s just a bastard, man. Has he not blocked you on Twitter yet?”

Ant grabs at him, “Oh, don’t hide it. He calls everyone a fucking faggot, he blocked Jev because of Dan - he’s an asshole.”

Mitch’s eyes go quite wide, “I always thought that was a rum- wait, he fucking  _ what _ ?”

“Yeah.” Robin nudges Ant’s toes with his, through their boots. Nelson can seriously fuck off. 

“Anyway, now Jerome has kicked him in the head, live on TV,” Ant looks enormously pleased, “So there’s hope for karma yet.’

\------

Jev brushes his nose through Sam’s hair, feeling perhaps a little possessive. Which is normal when you discover the world’s biggest asshole (and Jean-Eric feels confident that he has reviewed some of the most competitive candidates for that title) has been calling your ex-teammate and occasional snuggling companion ‘sexy.’

He’s glaring at Nelson over the top of Sam’s head because he is tall and, crucially, hates him. The man has no place in decent society, let alone racing. Which makes it all the weirder that Nelson is smiling at him. 

Does he have compromising photos or something? Because he has to know Jev wouldn’t care. Jean-Eric carries on glaring at him, while tugging Sam a little closer against him -  _ his.  _ Well, not really. But  _ not Nelson’s.  _

He doesn’t know why he’s feeling so possessive about it - it’s not like Sam gives a shit about Piquet or that Jev wants to, like, marry him it’s just… ugh. You don’t get to appreciate the fine qualities of the Bird physique if you’re going to be a cunt about everything else - and anyway, Nelson must have been joking and that’s not funny, Sam is  _ very  _ sexy.

Sam gently kicks him in the shin, “Jev, I can  _ feel _ you glowering - cut it out, it’s not worth it.”

Jean-Eric ‘hmms’ at him in reply because, well, no, it’s not worth it. But what else is he supposed to do, try and be friends with Nelson? Fuck that.

He’s still glaring when Oliver comes and somewhat forcibly removes Piquet to, presumably, a team meeting. At least he’s never had to contemplate that as a working situation, fucking hell.

\------

Antonio wouldn’t normally stare at people this way. Well, maybe Robin but that’s in a completely different way and only usually if they’re in private or he’s particularly bored during a briefing. 

He swears - and Ant is absolutely certain he has not consumed any hallucinogens unless some toxic fumes in the garage have got to him or something - that he’s watching Jean-Eric Vergne, passionate bisexual, holding what appears to be a reasonably cordial conversation with Nelson Piquet Jr, too homophobic for Nascar.

Maybe it just looks friendly and Jev is threatening Nelson with some particularly gruesome violence? That would be kind of satisfying and fit with the whole sulky assassin look Vergne has going on. He wouldn’t be worried - well, no, he absolutely would be, this is surely one of the indicators of the end times - but they just hit each other and everything. 

He huffs and turns back to taking the piss out of Abt, which is at least solidly safe territory. And then Jerome’s so drunk he forgets that he isn’t particularly sober himself and some incriminating Instagram Lives happen and he forgets all about the fact Vergne’s a traitor until he apparently sends some particularly vociferous texts at 2:43-2:47am that he hopes autocorrect has mangled beyond comprehension.

“Your not going to belief it” is what he gets in reply. 

He’s very hungover and Robin keeps trying to hit his hand to make him turn his phone screen off, which is his justification for sending back, “Dont say u fucked him.”

He’s not really sure what, after some ibuprofen and a little nap, pinned under Robin, he thinks “loolll” means.

\------

Mitch isn’t really sure what the whole… deal is with Formula E. Beyond, like, racing electric cars and shit obviously. It’s a little confusing because everyone seems to kind of hang out and teammate rivalries don’t really seem to be a thing but then some of the  _ other  _ beefs really  _ are  _ a thing and also he’s not sure if Jerome and Loic hate each other or the opposite of that.

And no one  _ really  _ hangs apart from when they’re like,  _ really  _ hanging such as now, at a karting track, for a fundraiser. He’s pretty sure he said some stupid things while they were all hammered in Monte Carlo, too because pink wine is  _ fucking  _ dangerous and you’d think he’d know that, being Antipodean but no. Anyway, awkward.

The really weird - well not really weird, kinda normal but like really not what he expected? Maybe? Who knows? The thing is that like - and he’ll swear he honestly thought the whole Dan and Jev thing was a rumour but like maybe not? He can feel himself frowning - or well, Adam giving him a slightly disapproving look because he’s frowning at a fundraising thing - and tries to, like, chill. 

But Robin and Ant are like… they are definitely together. Which is cool that’s fine, he doesn’t give a shit and he’s got  _ way  _ too many problems in that respect with Sean and Mia but like. Jev and Sam? Bit odd, didn’t see that one coming. And… some of the others, like Daniel and Lucas maybe? 

He realises he’s tuned out for a bit when his teammate gives him a reasonably patronising pat to get him to move his ass towards the actual karts. Ohhhhh,  _ teammates.  _ Is everyone fucking their teammates? Man, that’s weird. Does Mitch have to fuck Adam? He’s old and married.

Mitch takes a furtive glance at his teammate - it might not be so bad, he likes Adam. Man, why did no one tell him about this? Is it, like, a rule? Does Sam fuck Pechito too or is it alright if you’re fucking one of your teammates at any given time? Does that mean Pechito is fucking Ace because that’s kinda ...not really Mitch’s favourite thing if he’s perfectly honest? Whoa.

Now he’s thinking about this he can’t stop thinking about who might be fucking who. He doesn’t think Maro and Stephane are but ...maybe? And Buemi and Prost? Surely not. But now he kinda thinks they could be? He saw Seb bring Nico a coffee the other day that’s kinda romantic. Or being a good teammate? Which might mean fucking, here, so ...fuck, this is all so wild. 

Jerome and Loic totally could be. Tom and Maro? Yeah maybe actually, they kinda… that would make sense. He really shouldn’t be distracting himself about this, he’s got so many other things to do right now but like, when he starts thinking about something like this it’s just so difficult to stop. He casts his eyes round the room for any signs of furtive, not-really-forbidden-apparently love but it’s just a bunch of drivers getting dressed, semi-ineptly for the most part.

Oliver is taping Nelson into a plastic overall to cover his race suit in the rain. Fuck’s sake - Mitch knows he’s a bit useless occasionally, on a practical level but he can at least usually put his clothes on unaided. Nelson looks pretty pleased about the situation though, maybe he just gets Oliver to do everything for him. Ever since Robin and Ant told him what a dick Piquet is he’s been feeling sorry for Oliver - he guesses _ they’re _ not fucking, at least.

He’s kinda surprised that anyone’s that much of an asshole. Like, there’s always a few but everyone here seems so much more chill and grown up and he’s kind of trying to pretend he is, too even if he spends the whole time trying not to be as extra as Daniel or look boring or whatever. 

Mitch isn’t really sure if he’s jealous of everyone hooking up but he definitely doesn’t have a problem with it and anyone who does is a bastard. He’s as uncivilised as the next person but this is 2017, you can’t fucking be like that - he’s quietly annoyed Nelson hasn’t blocked him yet, thinking about doing something openly gay or something but maybe a fundraiser isn’t the time. 

When Turvey gets up from where he was crouching to tape Nelson’s ankles, he gives the Brazilian a patronising half-pat, half-caress to his hair and Mitch drops his balaclava to give himself somewhere else to look for a second because Nelson can't possibly look  _ lovestruck?  _

\------

Nico has seen a lot of things in motorsport. And beyond the world of motorsport, which he feels sometimes gives him unique insight into just how weird everyone is around here. Much as he’s become fond of his fellow drivers, a more highly-strung set of panicking egos would be fairly challenging to find outside of a financial trading floor or maybe a coke-fuelled Hollywood writers room. 

He’s never seen anything like this, mind you. Well, no - accuracy compels him to adjust that to the fact he’s seen plenty of stuff  _ like this  _ and even, on occasion, when Bruno was still around, partaken of such but he’s been observing Oliver and Nelson for some time, now and this is at the very least not what he expected.

He’s always got on ok with Nelson - he has to, he spends too much time with the guy professionally for it to be possible to deal with open hostility, even if he doesn’t like it. But he understands why the others won’t tolerate it - it never seemed like an argument he thought was worth having, even if Nico totally disagreed, because if Piquet’s come this far with those ideas how’s anyone gonna change him?

Nico gets quite a lot of opportunity for looking at the other drivers without suspicion - he’s quiet, doesn’t fight with anyone, whatever Nick thinks - and this has been gradual but unmistakable. As sure as Lucas hates himself for how much he loves Daniel, as certain as he is that Ant will get totally overcome and propose to Robin at the Nurburgring, as guaranteed as Sam announcing he's going to move on from Jean-Eric and then immediately falling into bed with him, Oliver is fucking Nelson. 

It's definitely that way round. And Nelson seems to be… happy about it. Nico supposes it can't be easy carrying around that much internalised self-hate but it's still more than a little surprising.

And well, he definitely never expected the cuffs, when Turvey drags Nelson in front of Nico as part of what looks like an extended series of apologies.

\------

Oliver should probably thank Jerome for the inspiration, he’d been wondering how to deal with the whole Nelson Is An Asshole issue for a few years. And well, he is British - turns out he really  _ is  _ into spanking.

So long as it’s his teammate on the receiving end, that is. Nelson whimpers when Oliver’s hand meets his ass again, presses his lips right to Nelson’s sweat-slick skin to whisper “If you want me to fuck you, you’re going to have to say sorry to Ant, too.”

  
  



End file.
